Fear is not always to be overcome

Neringa Jagelavičiūtė, Language & Confidence Coach

In his brilliant TED talk Why You Should Define Your Fears Instead of Your Goals, Tim Ferriss speaks of the “monkey mind—super loud, very incessant.” He also draws on the insight of the ancient Greek philosopher Seneca, who wrote, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

What he shares resonates with many: simply contemplating problems often leads nowhere. What he proposes instead is a written practice he calls fear-setting. This exercise will be outlined at the end of the article. Meanwhile, let’s consider how fear might actually teach us a lesson.

We’re often taught that fear is a weakness, that courage means having none, and that we must vanquish every trembling thought. Philosophy and psychology suggest another perspective: fear is not the enemy—it’s a messenger. It highlights what truly matters, what deserves our attention, and the boundaries we may need to honor.

In daily business life, this might look like:

• Feeling nervous before presenting a new strategy to leadership—it signals that the project is important and worth careful preparation.

• Hesitating to delegate tasks—it can highlight areas where clarity or training is needed to ensure success.

• Worrying about speaking up in meetings—it may indicate that a critical perspective or concern deserves attention.

Instead of rushing to conquer fear, we can acknowledge it, listen, and even move alongside it. Fear teaches patience, humility, and awareness. It reminds us that life is precious and that some lessons can only be learned in its presence. True courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s the willingness to engage with it thoughtfully.

By paying attention to fear instead of simply trying to eliminate it, we can make wiser decisions, protect what truly matters, and act with intentionality rather than impulse.

Practical examples and practices:

• Pause before reacting: When facing a high-stakes email or meeting, notice the tightness or anxiety in your body. Take a breath and ask, “What is this fear telling me?”

  
  

• Write it down: Keep a fear journal. Name the fear, explore what it signals, and brainstorm constructive steps you can take.

  
  

• Break it into small steps: If you fear public speaking, start by presenting to a small team before moving to a larger audience. Let the fear guide gradual exposure.

Remember Tim Ferriss? He developed a detailed approach to exploring fears. The exercise consists of three major steps (and three pages).

Step 1: What happens if I…? For example: “What happens if I ask for a raise?” This step has three columns to help you examine your fear: Define, Prevent, Repair.

Step 2: What are the benefits of partial success?

Step 3: What is the cost of inaction? Look at it from multiple perspectives—financially, mentally, emotionally, and more.

By practicing these steps, fear transforms from a signal into a guide, helping us act with clarity and integrity rather than reaction or avoidance.

Happy fear-setting!

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Illustration by Zoha Gohar on Unsplash